Once again, having been snake-charmed by HeathyWage, Schlumberger is offering a crash-dieting contest, starting today, January 22.

Once again, they are ignoring every iota of research that says crash-dieting is a complete waste of time. It may also harm you. Once again, they are offering a whopping $10,000 prize to the winning team.

The relevant language from the Wellness Code of Conduct

Here is the relevant language from the Employee Health and Wellness Program Code of Conduct.  The language that the group agreed upon — “may have negative effects on their health” — was intended to be as acceptable as possible to what has become an delightfully large Ethical Wellness group:

Research shows that the vast majority of people who participate in weight loss programs will eventually gain their weight back after the program ends. Many will also gain back more than they lose. The weight cycling that occurs with repeated participation in weight loss programs may have negative effects on their health.

It’s also slightly possible that offering a $10,000 prize (for a team of five) could exacerbate the harms of weight-cycling just a tiny bit by encouraging employees to binge, bloat, salt and constipate themselves before the first weigh-in. But no team would ever do that, right? After all, it’s not worth sacrificing your ethics or harming yourself in order to win a measly $2000/team member.

Haha, good one, Al.

The relevant language from Here’s How to Win a Corporate Biggest Loser Contest

On the weigh-in day, avoid the bathroom before weigh-in if you can, and minimize your activity, another big glass of  whole milk with your breakfast that contains some salty options will help you retain more water.  If you are also going to get your waist measured, drink about half a can of root beer.  Sounds gross, but the carbonation and salt will give you are really good belly bloat…If they are measuring your waist, wear some pants that are snug around the waist, or add a tight belt that hits below your belly button, this will create some fluid buildup in your belly area.  At this point you should be a big bloated sloshing mess that needs to go to the bathroom really bad.   This is the perfect time to get weighed and measured.  If you are getting measured, poor posture can get you another inch and a half, so go for it.

To their credit, even the group that gives this advice has a more adult sense of responsibility than Schlumberger and HealthyWage, as they preface a few pages of advice with:

It’s getting to be New Year’s resolution time and many companies will try and “encourage” weight loss with a “Biggest Loser” type contest.  Frankly, this is really a bad idea, as it can create all kinds of bad habits and damaging activities by the participants, as they starve, dehydrate and supplement themselves in an effort to win.

The relevant language from Schlumberger’s vendor, HealthyWage

Let’s look at the marketing pitch from HealthyWage, the outfit that runs this contest and epitomizes everything that makes the wellness industry what it is today:

That equates to over 50 pounds per person, in their 12-week contests — more than 4 pounds a week.* This means one of five things:

1. Employees are indeed binging, bloating, salting and constipating themselves before the contest to maximize their odds of winning, since losing 50 pounds in 12 weeks would be a Herculean task without a bunch of extra weight that will be as easy to take off as it was to put on, thanks in part to websites that show you how to gain weight rapidly in preparation for corporate crash-dieting contests;
2. Healthywage is unfamiliar with the CDC guidelines that recommend steady weight loss at 1-2 pounds per week;
3. Healthywage is betting that employers don’t know that the odds of keeping weight off are 1 in 200 for males and 1 in 100 for females;
4. Heathywage is counting repeat contestants more than once, meaning that the same employees binge, crash-diet, regain the weight and then do it all over again;
5. Heathywage is lying.

Of course, this being the wellness industry, it may be all five.

*How does a 50-pound weight loss compare to other companies? Pfizer won a Koop Award because its participating employees were able to lose — get ready — four ounces. Six if you measure against the two ounces gained by non-participants. In all fairness, Pfizer’s program was not exactly intensive. “Participate” was defined as “open an email with a message in it.”  The good news is that opening an email isn’t going to harm anyone.

Plus you never know what a message will contain.  Open this link to see an example.