I would like to express my gratitude to the editor of the American Journal of Health Promotion, Michael O’Donnell.  He recently decreed that “despite common lore, I am not an idiot.”  Coming from a man brilliant enough to singlehandedly create entire alternative universes of arithmetic and statistics, “not an idiot” is mighty praise indeed.

I’m unsure exactly what “common lore” he is disputing, unless he means that the Phi Beta Kappa committee at Harvard also thinks I am an idiot, relatively speaking, because they snubbed me until I was a senior.

I will return the compliment.  Michael O’Donnell is not an idiot either.  Quite the contrary, he and his Koop Committee buddies knew exactly what they are doing when they gave their friends at Wellsteps awards for harming employees.  Bottom line is, these people simply hate employees, and happily throw them under the bus whenever it’s profitable to do so. While Boise is a great example, Penn State still reigns supreme.

While we could write a post about almost any member of that Committee, this post focuses only on one member, Mr. O’Donnell.  Still, it’s hard to dislike the man given all the kudos he throws my way. For instance, in addition to not being an idiot, I am also praised above as: “close to being accurate.” Since we disagree on everything, he is therefore acknowledging that he himself is many light-years from accurate — as Wellsteps and every other Koop award demonstrates.

Michael O’Donnell’s Anti-Employee Jihad

Michael O’Donnell also said, as you can see above, that I am not a “misanthrope.”  However, in this case, I can’t return the compliment.  His new editorial is a misanthropic anti-employee jihad.  First, he says prospective new hires should be subjected to an intrusive physical exam, and hired only if they are in good shape.  OK, not every single prospective new hire — only those applying for “blue collar jobs or jobs that require excessive walking, standing, or even sitting.”   Hence he would waive the physical exam requirement for mattress-tester, prostitute, or Koop Committee member, because those jobs require only excessive lying.

Second, he would fine people for not meeting “outcomes standards.” In an accompanying document, he defines those “outcomes standards.” He specifies fining people who have high BMIs, blood pressure, glucose, or cholesterol.

Finally, he wouldn’t hire smokers at all, because they are so unworthy and untalented. Meaning Humphrey Bogart never should have been cast in Casablanca.  Ernest Hemingway and George Orwell should have piled up rejection letters. Roger Maris should get his asterisk back.*  Rihanna, Simon Cowell, Adele, Brad Pitt, Obama, Churchill, Einstein. Sinatra, Twain, Kidman.  Sheesh!  I agree with you, Michael. What a bunch of losers.

And thank goodness Watson didn’t smoke or Moriarty would likely still be at large.

A Unique Way to Charge Employees for Health Insurance: By the Pound

Almost every nonsmoker would be caught in his dragnet too, as he would “set the standard for BMI at the level where medical costs are lowest.”  Since people with very low BMIs incur higher costs than people with middling BMIs, Mr. O’Donnell would fine not only people who weigh more than his ideal, but also employees with anorexia.

If employees didn’t already have an eating disorder, what better way of giving them one — and hence extracting more penalties from them — than to levy fines based on their weight?  Hopefully, he would allow people with wasting diseases like cancer to appeal their fines.

Employees above his ideal weight would pay per pound, sort of like they were ordering lobster or mailing packages.

Yes, I have a hard time believing anyone would disdain employees that much too, so here is the screenshot:

He claims that all these fines will “enhance morale” for employees, whether they like it or not.

How would Michael defend his anti-employee jihad?

The Wellness Ignorati don’t engage with me, for obvious reasons given their self-immolating comments when they do. So I’ll provide his rebuttal. It would be, as he said in the first screenshot above, that I am once again “creating controversy where it does not exist.”  Clearly, his editorial and white paper are mainstream, and I’m just causing trouble again for no reason.

Michael wonders why, in his own words (echoed by Ron Goetzel), 90% to 95% of wellness programs fail.  He says it’s because employers don’t spend remotely enough money on them. He recommends up to $300/employee/year…and what better way to reach that spending target than to make them go to the doctor, and set up expensive weigh-ins, inspections and fining procedures?

While Michael O’Donnell may not be an idiot, I’m not sure I could say the same about any CEO who takes his advice.

*Maris should get his asterisk back because, as a smoker, he still holds the record for “Most home runs by a player who never should have made the team.”